Little By Little, I Feel A Bit Better
by MedliSage
Summary: Neku wasn't surprised anymore. To be truthful, he looked forward to it more than anything. And in fact, if he thought about it, he had never really been surprised in the first place, though he probably should have been.


Neku wasn't surprised anymore. To be truthful, he looked forward to it more than anything. And in fact, if he thought about it, he had never really been surprised in the first place, though he probably should have been. Yet he wasn't, even the first time Joshua had suddenly teleported into his room in the middle of the night, and Neku had been jarred by the suddenness of it enough that he nearly rolled out of his bed.

The first time it happened it had been a couple of weeks since Joshua had finally met him at Hachiko, three months after the end of the Long Game. Which of course, there were initial hurdles with, but not nearly as many as one would expect with meeting up with the person that killed you twice. And perhaps then Neku should have been tipped off that there was something about Joshua, something about himself and Joshua, something special that seemed to transcend all obstacles. But Neku didn't give it much thought.

So he wasn't quite sure when it had become a routine, per se, but it had. Routine maybe isn't the right word, because it was never a set schedule. Sometimes Joshua would show up two, three, even four nights in a row, and sometimes he wouldn't show up for a week and a half. That's not to say they didn't see each other in that time, because Joshua would now show up at Hachiko every time with his friends without fail. But they never spoke about Joshua's night time drop-ins outside of when they happened. It was as if it was a kind of secret, special thing just between the two of them.

Neku had only once asked Joshua why, the first time he had done it, and when Joshua had simply dodged his question completely, Neku had decided not to ask again. It wasn't rare - in fact it was nearly all the time - that Joshua refused to give straight answers, but outright dodging something in a completely unrelated way was uncommon, so Neku let it be.

And somewhere along the line - or really, perhaps it was after the first time - Neku had started looking forward to his visits. It was silly, he thought, because what was so special about it? It wasn't as if it was different than hanging out with him in the daytime. They talked about the same things, or sometimes they'd play Tin Pin or watch something, and then when it got particularly late Joshua would leave. There wasn't anything different, so Neku wasn't quite so sure why he started getting fidgety as it got late into the night, or why he had opened his phone on several occasions to text Joshua to ask if he was coming, only to close it without sending anything. He didn't want to ask, because god forbid Joshua know that Neku might actually be looking forward to this, and because he didn't want to possibly push Joshua away, but sometimes he couldn't help but almost ask. Almost.

It was on one such occasion that Neku had shut his phone quickly before he did something stupid, shoving it back under his pillow and staring up at the ceiling. It had been almost two weeks since Joshua had last come to visit, and now it was 2AM now, later than he usually showed up, which meant he probably wasn't coming, but his timing was sporadic enough that it was still possible. Neku wondered if things would go as normally if he did show up, when he did. If he did. No, no, surely he would. Why would things change now? Well, perhaps last time Neku had gone a little ahead of himself. But he hadn't meant to. Honestly, he wasn't sure what came over him, and he thought it wasn't something big enough to stop Joshua from coming entirely. But it had been a while since Joshua had last been here now.

He felt his stomach start to knot a bit.

Neku's mind reeled back to it, to the last time Joshua had been here - they had been playing a game of Tin Pin on Neku's bed, during which one of Joshua's pin had gone flying off the bed - which was not an uncommon occurrence, truthfully. And so Neku had leaned off the side of the bed to grab it, but Joshua had too, and their collective weight had tilted the bed enough that they fell over the edge - which landed them in a somewhat compromising position, what with Neku half-straddling Joshua beneath him and holding him down somewhat with his hands on his stomach. It was a position with which probably would have removed himself immediately, if it hadn't been frozen there by the fact that Joshua was simply lying there and giggling softly. Not his a sarcastic, mocking giggle, but something genuine, something that was making his eyes close as he covered his mouth with his hand, trying to quiet himself. Neku had smiled down at him, shortly breaking into a quiet laugh himself; it was rare, if ever, to see Joshua like this, and Neku would be damned to let it slip away. Without giving it any thought he had let his hands shift so that they were on the sides of Joshua's waist, his fingers tickling him swiftly. And for a split second Joshua had pouted at him fiercely, but it instantly dissolved into a very much unconcealable laugh, his legs curling up as his body shook until he finally gained control over himself enough to grab the pillow on the side of the bed and throw it at Neku's face.

It all soon became a mess of pillows being thrown about, mixed in with "accidental" touches here and there, tickles reaching up under their shirts, and if any of it was strange they didn't have time to give it any real thought in between the laughs and the smiles.

After who knows how long, Joshua had somehow ended up mostly on Neku's lap, in a fit of giggles so bad he dropped the pillow he was holding, his hands coming up to hover uselessly in the minimal space between them. And then Neku felt it was almost like time froze - or he wanted it to. Joshua was so _close,_ so happy and genuine, his hair bouncing a bit with his laughs, as tousled as it had become over the course of the night. Quite honestly, it was captivating, especially when Joshua had opened his eyes, so violet and bright and, right now, honestly sparkling, and looked right into Neku's.

Without hesitation Neku had reached both his hands up and held Joshua's face - _oh_ his skin was so soft - and leaned forward a bit, their foreheads nearly touching. And for what simultaneously felt like an eternity and a fleeting moment, they had simply sat there like that, staring at each other with soft smiles and bright eyes. And then Joshua had blinked, and pulled back, and Neku had let his hands slide off of Joshua's face and onto the bed, and Joshua had scooted back off of him.

"Well," Joshua had said, running a hand uselessly through his messy hair, "it's awfully late now, so I suppose I should be off. I'll see you later, Neku."

"R-right. See you."

And then he had left.

And Neku had not had a visit from Joshua since.

He wondered if he had permanently screwed with their relationship. No, that was impossible. If they could get over what they had already gotten over and still remained friends, why was this any different? Why would this change anything?

But then again, maybe this was a different matter than their friendship.

Neku felt his stomach do a flip. Suddenly, he didn't feel all too good. Perhaps it was better that Joshua wasn't here tonight.

And as if on a cue, Joshua's figure then appeared with a small glimmer of light.

"Hey," Neku said as he sat up, trying and hopefully succeeding in hiding all hints of stupidly exceeding elation from his voice. "This is late, even for you."

Joshua sat on the edge of Neku's bed, leaning back on his hands a bit and tilting his head toward Neku, and almost too-satisfied smirk on his face. "I'm surprised you're still awake. What, were you hoping I'd show up that much?"

"As if."

Joshua giggled. "Mmhm. That's why your light is still on, you're not even under under your covers, yet you don't seem to be doing anything in particular."

"I was just about to get to sleep," Neku half-grumbled, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and scooting a little closer to Joshua. "But I guess I can postpone it for a bit even if it's late. Just because you haven't been here in a while."

"Goodness, Neku, you're acting like you actually missed me."

Neku looked at him. They were close, not as close as they had been that night, but close enough that he could see all the little details of Joshua's eyes, close enough that he could see that one of the strands of hair framing his face was out of place, something no one else would probably notice. And like was being pulled by a magnet Neku leaned himself closer, closed his eyes, and placed his lips on Joshua's.

If he hadn't screwed up already he definitely had now.

Or so he thought in the split second during which Joshua tensed, almost frozen. But after that split second Neku could feel Joshua relax, could feel him fall into the kiss a bit. And as quickly as Neku had leaned in and started it, it became tongues sliding over each other, light sucks on one another's lips, and somehow during it all Joshua had ended up on Neku's lap, his hands on Neku's shoulders and Neku's arms wrapped around his back. Having Joshua close was enough to make Neku's heart skip a beat, and touching Joshua had always sent shots of electricity through his fingertips, but kissing Joshua was just something else. It made Neku feel like he was floating, light and airy but all the same his mind was absolutely spinning.

During one of their sporadic breaks for air, one that lasted longer than a second - because most of the time Joshua was kissing him again before Neku had really caught his breath - Neku leaned back a little farther, tearing his head out of the clouds and looking at Joshua, whose face was a bit flushed, his lips a little swollen. "Why are you doing this?"

"What kind of a question is that?" Joshua asked, running one of his hands lightly over Neku's chest.

Instantly Neku regretted the inquiry. Perhaps he didn't want to know. Because somehow Neku could see it as highly probable, honestly, that Joshua was doing this just because he was bored. "One that you should just answer."

"Hm," Joshua pondered, trailing his hand down to the other's hip. "Why do you think, Neku?"

"I think that you should just _tell_ me. Dammit, Josh, why do you always have to toy around with me like this?"

Neku wasn't quite sure what he was expecting to come after that, but he was pretty sure he was not expecting Joshua to do what he did, to simply push Neku down onto the bed and lean down over him close enough that he could feel his hair tickling his cheek.

"Now, Neku," he said quietly, "do you honestly think I would toy around with your feelings?"

Neku met his gaze evenly. There was a soft smile on Joshua's face, something genuine, but it was easy to see it wasn't all there; Joshua's eyes were focused, like they always where when he was thinking. Neku reached up, brushing a strand of Joshua's hair behind his ear, and Joshua just barely jumped a bit at the touch; like he was nervous, worried. At what? What Neku would say? What would happen from here on out?

It didn't really matter, Neku thought.

He raised his head and kissed Joshua again, lightly, gently. "Hey, it'll be fine," he said quietly, cupping the side of Joshua's face. "'Enjoy the moment,' and all that."

At that, Joshua giggled. "With such wise words like that," he said, leaning down and kissing Neku quickly, "how can I worry at all?"

"Hey," Neku said with a hint of petulance, only to be met with another soft kiss from Joshua.

"I trust you," Joshua whispered, barely audible, and before Neku could give him a reply he had rolled off and laid next to him. "Now, I'm tired. Turn off the light."

Neku gave a sigh of false irritation, his smile easily giving it away, before he turned himself to reach to his nightstand to turn off his lamp. He then turned back over to face Joshua, pulling the covers over both of them. "You're a pain in my ass."

A giggle. "You love me, though."

"Goodnight, Josh."

"Goodnight, Neku."

* * *

ヽ(。_°)ノ


End file.
